Five Tools To Help You Heal Heartbreak S5 Ep 1 Artwork

The Path to Power Podcast

The Path To Power Podcast is a platform for sharing the stories of men and women who are on a journey of turning their pain into power. Together we talk about our experiences of overcoming adversity such as childhood trauma, abuse and unhealthy relationships to share insights and tools to help us evolve. We explore ways to go on a path of healing and how we can become our most powerful selves; through emotional honesty and vulnerability, through shining through our shame and redefining what it means to have power.Brought to you by Dominy Roe - @lovedominy.www.lovedominy.com

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The Path to Power Podcast

Five Tools To Help You Heal Heartbreak S5 Ep 1

February 21, 2025 • Dominy Roe

Back with a breakthrough... after another break up!

On this episode I share five healing tools that are 'staples' in terms of helping me return to my power place after heartbreak. They are healthy habits that can help you too.

The books I mention in this episode are:

Healing The Shame That Binds You - John Bradshaw

No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz

If you want to work on developing healing and healthy habits to leave a legacy of love and break generational cycles get in touch with me for coaching, programmes and tools to take radical responsibility and create your personal power.

If you want to join a community of women on their healing journey and committed to having healthier relationships join myself and Natalie Russell in the Finding Freedom Women's Collective Facebook group. Every fortnight we host a FREE live zoom meeting exploring our healing journey and sharing inspiration and insight. Join the group via this link for more information: https://www.facebook.com/groups/325407225979512/

At the point of this episode being released there are still some spaces left on our Find Your Feminine Retreat in Alicante, Spain for a week in June 2025.

Dominy is the founder of Love Dominy, helping women and girls to break generational cycles, lead themselves and leave a legacy of love. You can follow this work on Instagram @lovedominy or check out the website for more information www.lovedominy.com.

Dominy is also the co-founder of Transformuk, a youth and community organisation in East London demonstrating love to those facing barriers. They have just launched their first children's home in East London for girls at risk of exploitation. You can follow the journey on instagram @transformchildrenshomes or find out more www.transformchildrenshomes.org.uk.

The Path To Power Podcast Intro & Outro music was produced by @kennyhood

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On this episode I wanted to share with you a few of the tools that I've used on my healing journey and certainly some of those that I have gone back to in the last year or so, not that I went away from them but I think my practice of them just became a lot more inconsistent because of the distractions that I mentioned. So the first one that I would say is really getting to know your unmat needs, like for me, I would enter into relationships and subconsciously it was led the decisions that I made were led by those childhood wounds, those unmet needs around, particularly for me, I definitely had a thing for men that were able to say the right things. So like those that were really charismatic and poets and just really good with words. And I think it sounds really basic. But for me actually, a real unmet need when I was growing up was being affirmed and validated. And so to have somebody that did that for me just made me feel really valued and I really needed to understand that actually I needed to do that for myself. I think also when we come to understand our our met needs, we can really then get to work on the areas that we need to in order to to to heal those. And I'll talk about that a bit more in a bit when I talk about in a child work. But I think definitely understanding what those unmet knees have resulted in. And so for me, as I said, it's a lot of subconscious programming and a lot of not necessarily making decisions based on my worth and my value now, but actually being subconsciously attracted to those that could meet the the needs of the child inside of me. And so now I'm learning to meet those needs for myself and I will do that in a multitude of ways. I would say that with regards to that particular example of affirming or using words. For me, I really, really uh know that it's such an important habit to practice affirmations in the morning, journaling, I am statements, um listening to music, which speaks like beautiful words over me. I'm really connecting with that. And listening to prayer, listening to the word of God, the promises of God, um and the promises of like a divine higher self, which I have had to write out and then I reread every morning. So I've written a set of affirmations, for example, for this year about the women that I am becoming and then I read those every morning and affirm those to myself. And I would say that for me that has been really, it has been life changing because it's brought into my conscience what was previously in my subconscious. And it's given me a tool and a platform to heal that that part of me so that when I'm making choices now about entering into relationship with anyone, whether it's romantic friendship, even a work relationship, you know, employment decisions, I'm I'll really be quite well rounded in understanding how I am making that decision and knowing that actually there's a part of me that wants to be romanticized and really want to to and knowing that there's a part of me that really wants to make that person the person that could affirm me but actually I know that that isn't the truth and I know that that is only something that I can do and a part of me that wants to make that person my hero in the way of affirming me or telling me nice things. and it can be as basic as that. Well, it certainly was. I I'd like to think it's not anymore. It's definitely not anymore. But there was a time when it definitely could be as basic as that. And that would then rather than me looking at that person and the values that they hold and the character and the patterns that they present, I would be looking at and really seeking that affirmation for food for my inner child whose unmet needs were to be affirmed and to be accepted and to feel known and loved, and for many of us, that is definitely the case, but there's obviously different ways that someone that loves us can do that in a healthy way. And not that that is unhealthy, but for me, that was definitely a factor that led me to make some bad decisions when it came to relationship choices. I would say number two has been linked to that understanding my subconscious programming, understanding the core beliefs that I have held about myself and continue to hold because I think these are this is a constant piece of work. um to reveal new ones and new limiting beliefs. But to really understand what barriers I have had to intimacy and to progress and to abundance and to wealth in whatever area that would be finances, physical health, spiritual health, etc, but to understand what those barriers have been, what those adaptive strategies have been that I have put into place, um, which have actually led to um me being able to survive, but actually came out of a more negative core belief that I had about myself. So for example, mine would be things like I'm too needy. I'm too emotional. I'm too much. I will be rejected. I will be abandoned. And so that also has been really intentional resripting work that I've had to do. and I really try and practice that first thing in the morning when our brains are still really malleable, which is that first half an hour when we wake up. I really try and be intentional about what I pour in to my subconscious because at that point in the day and they say the same just before we go to bed. But for me, I find it a really great way to set me up is to um yeah, to pour in and to speak those words that I need to hear. and to reframe those beliefs of I am not too emotional. I am emotional, but that's beautiful. I'm not too needy and I just need to make choices to take myself away from situations where my needs aren't met or to communicate that and to see how that other person responds. and that I won't be rejected and abandoned and that I am now the adult that I needed when I was younger and I can show up as that adult I can make self safe and healthy decisions for myself. And then I would say number three has definitely been some more practical healthy habits. So for me, it's looked like maybe running or going to the gym or just practicing a few times a week at least three to four times a week as much as I can doing something to engage with my body to move my body and to feel strong in my body. And that connection with my body has also really led me into a lot more of a connection with myself and my femininity, which has been beautiful and I'm forever grateful for that. It's some real um practice of devotion that, you know, to really get inside of ourselves, our bodies and to feel what we feel, what comes up rather than just for me, I would intellectualize a lot of my feelings rather than actually feel them in the physical. I would say that also having hobbies, so trying new things, maybe just being intentional with my schedule to make sure that I'm socializing, that I'm seeing friends, that I'm doing purpose led projects. um but that I'm busy, you know, I'm not I definitely need a lot more still time and I enjoy that a lot more than I ever used to. I enjoy a lot more solitude time as well, suspending time by myself, but also I like to feel I like to have a full life and I like for that to be a reflection of the things that I value. So my friends, my family, and for me, you know, as somebody that really didn't and doesn't have those family connections. It is friends that have become family and I try and be really intentional to nurture those connections. And then even like just basics, like drinking water, I mean, I forever on the mission to try and drink more water, who isn't out here, but I do feel as though that's something that like a very basic level, if I am having those days where I'm really practicing my healthy habits and drinking water, waking up and practicing those healthy affirmations and some meditation in the morning, reading, doing the things to pour into myself that I know are investing in my future self. um and that can look like a variation of things. And then I would also say link to what I was talking about earlier would be the inner work doing the inner work. So really making space for whether that's therapy, journaling, reading books, you know, there's such great stuff on YouTube these days, watching stuff on YouTube, but just really taking that time to understand myself and to lean into myself to really get to know who I am and what I want and what I value, what's important to me. And then to make sure that my life is a reflection of that, that I don't just allow things to come, like I don't just allow life to come at me, but I'm very intentional in how I live my life. And I've recently started reading a book called No Bad Parts by a guy called Richard Schwartz, who um developed at this this this uh psychological theory, I suppose, called inner family systems and it's this idea that inside of us we have different roles, different family roles that are played out. So in mom and dad a sister, a brother, etcera. um but that those we have different parts and essentially our different parts make up our self. And some of those parts that might be more attempts to control or protect and they may show up in more negative behavaviors. But that actually every part of us is valid and valued and the more that we come to understand those parts of us that maybe some people might say those shadow parts. But the parts of us that maybe we don't love as much, you know, the parts of us that are insecure or can be jealous sometimes or can have that uh more negative self-talk. All of those past. It's just been really honest. I've really got honest with myself about who I am and how those parts of me show up. And sometimes they're not the most likable and part of my inner work and inner healing has also been about coming face to face with understanding why they're there in the first place and that that was to protect me. And then to almost tell them that I don't need them anymore, but to have that conversation. And it's a really beautiful model. I really, really value the work of IFS and if you want to look into it more, the book is called no bad parts and I reference that in the episode summary, another amazing book, which links to the inner work and even like the stuff I've touched on already about understanding our ont needs is a book by John Bradshaw called Healing the Shame that binds us. And I constantly reference back to that book because there's so much in it, but there is so much in it for those of us that have had that emotional neglect as children. And then as a result have become helpers or fixers or caretakers in the world. And not that that's a bad thing in some ways. Like for me, I've found a great sense of purpose in helping other people, whether that's the women that I coach, you know, those that come on the retreats, whether it's running retreats, facilitating sessions, training, et ccera, or even the work that I do around the development of the children's home, all of those things are amazing. But if I'm looking to play out that role in a romantic dynamic, then that's where it can become really unhealthy. And some of the choices I've made have subconsciously been about calling that person in, not obviously intentionally, but that I've definitely um that part of me that was unhealed has definitely attracted in some of those men who would be more on the needier side of me or needier of a woman that is a bit stronger or a bit more put together or a bit more um sorted. That's the right term. But I've definitely then felt a need to be needed in that dynamic. And so that's something that I am also really vigilant about when making dating decisions now. And then I'd say fifth and finally like finding a community to do the journey with is so essential and those of you that are familiar with the finding freedom women's collective that Natalie and I run, you will know I talk about this so so so so much but finding a tribe of women that you can really get alongside and go on this journey with for me has and is such an integral part of my journey. And whether that's like a therapist, whether it's friends, but actually for me, it hasn't always been friends on my journey. I've met new female friends along the way, but it wasn't necessarily the friends that I started out on the journey with. um and that's been really important is to find those deep meaningful connections that allow me to be my true authentic self and to share really honestly and vulnerably about where I'm at on my journey and what I'm navigating. And I think for all of us being able to do that, I mean it is really invaluable. And if you in any way want to become part of a community and you're not already, then Nat and I host a free Facebook group and we host a free monthly get together. um which is online and it is just the most beautiful uplifting encouraging space of feminine women. And I'll just finally say that I think having that group of women and that sisterhood has really supported me to develop my femininity and to lean into that softness and that playfulness more so than I think the masculine energy with which I led through or which, yeah, I led myself with for most of my 20s and certainly most of my 30s as well. And actually now I definitely feel I'm in a season where I'm much more aligned with my feminine energy and that playfulness and that softness and that gentleness. And although it's also really important to be around safe men in order for that energy to come out. And that is absolutely true, get around some safe men as well. And I say this to my clients a lot. If you don't have a partner now, then really spend time with your friends who are in partnerships and, you know, who have partners that are really safe and loving and good role models, good examples of great men. and I feel really privileged to have met someone on my journey who have definitely helped shape my femininity and I can have a lot of play and laughter with, but it's very safe and there's no undertone. There's no innuendo, but they just genuinely are really great men and with really great masculine energy. And sometimes we need a bit of that, like sometimes I definitely really value my male friend's input into my life if I'm going on a bit of a wobble or a crisis, I definitely there's men that speak into that and I would allow them to speak into that. But that's taken years of building those safe, healthy friendships. So I would really suggest that. But definitely the female friendships as well and some kind of community, which you can walk on this healing journey with. So coming up on my next episode of the past of our podcast, I am going to bring in one of my faves. That's my Cody, Natalie Russell, and we are going to talk a little bit more to that feminine journey. We're actually running a series at the moment in the lead up to our retreat in June, which is called find your feminine, but we are going to just share a little bit more on that. So I really look forward to having you guys join me then and thank you so much for tuning back into the past to power. I love you all so much and I'm really grateful to get to go on this journey with you. Love Dominy x

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Dominy Roe

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